


Of rainbow and night sky

by BlueMonkey



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Durincest, Gift Fic, Incest, LittlestSecret ur awesome, M/M, Made with Love, but of course, littlestsecret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-11
Updated: 2014-09-11
Packaged: 2018-02-17 00:46:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2290802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueMonkey/pseuds/BlueMonkey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kili and Fili haven't seen each other since their parents got divorced, fourteen years ago.  But little boys grow up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of rainbow and night sky

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LittlestSecret](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittlestSecret/gifts).



> Written for the incredible awesome LittlestSecret.
> 
> Because she's so awesome, here's a plug especially for her!
> 
> Read her work here: http://archiveofourown.org/users/LittlestSecret  
> Or follow her hot dwarf porn art at http://littlestsecret.tumblr.com/tagged/littlestsecretsmut

Kili remembers his brother as a hyperactive blond flurry, barely ten years old—although both of them thought that was pretty grown-up at the time—and always busy building huts in the woods that surrounded their home. 

He remembers often going off on his own to look for his brother, eager to figure out what Fili was up to this time, and usually getting lost as a result. He remembers the nights that followed. He would sit at the dinner table snot-nosed and red-eyed and a complete mess, and the dishevelled ball of energy that was his brother Fili would look at him guiltily for having caused him to go into the woods on his own again. It had never stopped Kili. He had ended up lost so frequently that his mother had demanded him to start carrying a Walkie-Talkie at all times. 

Kili thinks back on it fondly now, mashed between a corpulent eleven-year-old stranger and his mum. On his lap is a book that he hasn't been able to focus on for hours. Outside the plane pass by the great plains of the billowing rosy-edged clouds—have been passing by for seven hours now. To him it feels like days. His legs are cramped and he needs fresh air.

But if he looks outside, he feels peaceful.

The ride from the airport to Auckland, if anything, feels like it takes longer. Laden with a massive suitcase that his mother suggested splitting in two, he drags himself from the shuttle bus to the hotel, which is another miniature endurance test. But as soon as he claims his bed and his body stretches upon comfortable sheets, Kili grins.

Mum originally wanted to share a room. He had been adamant, however, that such a thing was not going to happen. He's nineteen now, and no matter how much he loves his mum, it would be too awkward. And so Dis is a few doors down the hall and unable to complain about his priorities when he flips open his phone cover, allows it to scan the room for WiFi with the patience of a man on fire, and pushes out his shoes as he can finally send his brother a message.

_Eagle has landed. What are you up to?_

Kili hasn't seen his brother for fourteen years. He knows exactly what Fili looks like though, because they have kept in touch through letters and eventually—praise be to modern technology—email and social media. He likes that upgrade; Fili frequently posts pictures of himself just after he has conquered a wave, or in a sunset when there's barely enough light to get the picture right, surrounded by a small group of friends. It's a stark contrast to his own less than tropically sunny days in Dublin, but it allows Kili to dream.

And now he's finally here, about to see his brother, his mum in tow. If it had been up to Kili, he would have made this trip a lot sooner, but it had always felt wrong seeing his brother when their mother couldn't, and Dis and his father have never quite gotten back on speaking terms since the divorce. Besides, there has always been the issue of money. 

But Fili lives on his own now, in what he calls a ratty student flat but which Kili thinks is an incredible house, and their parents never even have to meet. And so here he is, at last.

_You mean the leprechaun has landed? I'm in class, don't make me get kicked out, brat. Had a safe trip?_

Of course, Kili ends up getting him kicked out of class eventually; they continue to message back and forth some twelve-or-so times before Fili informs him of the inevitable, and Kili wishes he could grab a taxi—or whatever is the mode of transport in this Never Never Land—and draw him into a hug. Admittedly, he also wants to decide whether his brother has truly dried up as well as the pictures suggest. Not that anyone will ever find out about that stray thought that has been seeking a more steady anchor in his mind over the past year, not unlike a silly crush. 

But Kili also doesn't want to impede, and he's dreadfully tired. Besides, mum wouldn't let him hear the last of it if he went out on his own now. So he asks Fili to drop him a text when he and Dis can come over, sets the alarm and allows himself to drift into a shallow nap.

* * *

It's the things you look forward to the most that seem to pass you by the fastest. Several hours later and with the help of some good old-fashioned luck, Kili and his mum have located the house on the address. Fili apparently lives in an old Victorian one which wouldn't look amiss as a haunted house, but which turns out to look homey and bright once they're past the front door. The house is on a sloping road just outside of the bustle of the city.

Having picked up Fili there, and shared a bone-crushing hug that Kili doesn't want to let go of, they've made it through dinner in a small restaurant at the corner of the street. Kili hasn't been able to stop talking, and Dis shakes her head at him in amusement. He has to keep talking though, because as soon as he gives her the space to comment, she uses the opportunity to get Fili up to date with all the things that Kili really doesn't want his mum telling his big brother about.

They are both awkward, Fili and he. Kili covers that up with an endless waterfall of words, and Fili by generally keeping himself occupied with one thing or another. Dis reprimands him twice with a fond look for drumming his fork against the tablecloth. Kili notices that she is holding back when he then moves on to rolling the butt of his glass in circles.

"So this guy," Kili continues on his latest subject when they stroll outside again, "he just keeps snoring. I'm serious, I'm sure I 'accidentally' kicked his shins a dozen times, but he wouldn't wake up! So I was stuck there, and, you know," he exclaims dramatically, "so frustrating!"

"It was a bit funny," Dis admits. "Your brother gets so upset sometimes."

"Mum!"

Fili thankfully takes it in good grace instead of joining the dark side. "Are you tired?" he changes the subject. Well, changes it a little. He makes a nice transition at least, Kili has to give him that. "The guy on the plane didn't make you lose too much sleep, did he?"

And of course Kili refuses to admit weakness. "Me? Oh no, I could stay up all night!" He's sure that the adrenaline will keep him up long enough to make good on that statement. Kili isn't ready to head back to the hotel now. They only have a week here.

Dis nods with a look that tells Fili she doubts it, but there's nothing either of them can do to stop him once he sets his mind to it.

Fili puts his hands in his pockets and stretches his joints. "Good," he chuckles. "I was wondering, it's Friday night and me and some friends are headed to the beach later. I promised you I'd take you along, didn't I? How about tonight?"

It's a poor excuse at getting them some time together. Kili and Fili both said that they should, earlier on Facebook, even if they both feel bad about ditching their mother. Their eyes are on her and wait for her response. But she must have seen that coming, especially with the level of enthusiasm Kili has been showing over the past few months about finally seeing his brother again, and she nods. "That sounds really nice. You should, Kee." She turns to her other son. "Promise me you'll keep an eye on him? You should see h—"

"Mum, shut up!"

"Oh, alright, alright. Come on, walk me to the bus and tell me how to get home."

Kili's mood clouds over. The thundercloud doesn't leave until the bus drives off and she-with-the-embarrassing-stories is off, and finally it's just them.

"So," Fili raises a brow while they continue on the road back to his flat, "she's pretty strict, isn't she?"

"You have no idea," mutters Kili. "Can't wait to find a place of my own."

"I'm sure she's not _that_ bad."

Kili shrugs, but his mood peters out. "She's okay, I guess. She just thinks I'm still ten years old, you know."

His brother doesn't respond. Instead he seems to just enjoy the warmth that rises from the stone, occasionally looking up above at the stars. There are places, especially in the dark patches in between the street lights, where they can still see the night sky. Their conversation is reset from the limitations of a parent's presence and dowsed in a peaceful silence. Kili is soon following Fili's example.

"It's beautiful here," he says, because he doesn't know what else to say. There is nothing about 'here' that is more beautiful than sneaking glances at his hot brother though, and Kili feels dreadfully guilty for real life not having been able to drown those indecent thoughts that have brought him across the world to Fili's doorstep.

"It's really nice if you know where to look. How is Dublin?" Fili asks him. When their arms accidentally touch with both their eyes on the sky, Kili thinks it's electric.

"Oh, same old, same old," he brushes the city off. "Not much has changed, although, you know, there's the pubs now, of course. Uni is pretty great. Obviously, still living with mum. _That's_ a bit awkward after a night out, so I'm trying to lie low a bit until I find a room for myself. But she's actually really great. Works really hard. Has no clue how the internet works, thank god for me."

"Someone waiting for you at home?"

The question is completely unanticipated and out of nowhere, and Kili pauses. "Not really, no," he eventually shrugs it off, then decides that if they are on the million dollar questions already anyway, he might as well quench his curiosity. "You?"

"Oh, not really looking. But hey, whatever happens, happens."

They both don't know how to respond, which is why arriving at Fili's flat couldn't have come at a better timing. Fili lets him into his room this time, now that their mother isn't around to complain about the mess, and is off to find something in the fridge. "Beer?" he calls from the communal kitchen. 

"Cool!"

Kili thinks that Fili's room is actually pretty small. There aren't any surfing posters, nor obligatory guitar, although it wouldn't have surprised him if there were. It's simply a tidy, impersonal place with a bed and a small bookcase. The only bit of character comes from a string of cockles above the bed and a driftwood rocking chair in the corner.

Now that he's here, he can't believe he's seeing his brother again. They have been separated for fourteen years. Letters don't count; they haven't seen each other in person for that long. They used to be so close, but none of that appears to have survived the years battering away the bond between them. All they are is uncomfortable around each other, now.

"You don't look happy," Fili says quietly from where he leans in the doorway, two beers in one hand.

"One piece of paper with a couple of signatures," Kili bites back the bile, "that's all it took. I missed you so much the first years you were gone. I thought that if I saw you again, I'd get to miss you again. That you'd feel like my brother again."

Fili breathes out and sits on the floor in front of him. He gently nudges the rocking chair in which Kili sits once. It feels like a border being breached, and Fili seems thankful that Kili doesn't pull back from it. 

Kili looks and sees him, but he can't read him like he used to. They were born five years apart. For anyone else, that should have that your brother would be the most annoying, not-understanding person in the world. But it had never stopped them.

"Give it time," Fili tries to offer him soft words.

"But what if it doesn't come back?"

"Would it change anything if it didn't?"

"But you're my brother."

"Then I'll be your friend."

Kili snorts bitterly. "Who lives on the other side of the planet."

"Has that stopped us before?"

He looks up. Fili is right, he knows. He's infuriatingly calm, whereas Kili is a mess. Thank God his mother isn't here to see him like this. He accepts one of the bottles from Fili and takes a sip. The beer is cool and comforting, if only because it gives him a point to focus on.

Fili pats his knee and leans forward. "The beach isn't going anywhere. How about we just stay here and catch up?"

Kili wriggles his nose. "Your accent is weird."

The small room livens up with the laid-back laugh that follows.

* * *

They spend the night figuring out all the things that have changed. As it turns out, that it a lot. It starts with the way they grew up apart.

Only months after the divorce, Fili's father found himself a fairly decent job. He got promoted several times until the pay was more than outstanding. Dis, on the contrary, didn't have that luck. As a result, Kili has been raised a single child with not much money at hand at all times, but a profound talent for saving it up. Fili on the other hand has been fed with a golden spoon until graduation, then decided that he wanted something else in life and decided to withdraw from his father's funding to make it on his own. That brings them at the same level today, except that Fili always has a safety net waiting for him.

When Kili asks him why then Fili didn't come over to visit them instead—and it takes quite a bit of prodding—Fili admits that he didn't come to Ireland because he thought it to be terrifying. Which makes Kili wonder if Fili is scared now, or if he was when Kili announced over email that he had saved up enough and he was planning on buying two tickets to New Zealand quite out of the blue. He decides not to ask, because Kili isn't not sure he will like the answer. 

It is by early morning Kili realises belatedly that his reserves to stay awake has been fully depleted at last and that he's not sure he'll be able to make it back to the hotel before collapsing somewhere down the road. Consequently he hands Fili his phone on demand and all but orders him to send Dis a message telling her that he'll be fine, that he's still at Fili's and that he's hoping he can crash on the couch—a not so hidden but fairly subtle request—and that she shouldn't worry.

* * *

When Kili wakes up, it's not on a couch or the floor, but on a warm bed, and a separate thin fleece blanket has been draped over him. Fili isn't in the room, which is why Kili wonders if it would be okay if he closes his eyes for a few minutes longer, but then he notices his phone next to him and the urge to figure out the time becomes stronger.

The fact that it's nearly two in the afternoon propels him out of bed at once. Only when he pauses to gather his thoughts and let the impending headache pass does he remember having handed Fili his phone the night before.

Oh, God no. He stares in horror at the tastefully black and white photo of a wet male torso that somehow made him think, a couple of months back, that it was a fine choice for his background indeed. But it's not fine at all. Kili falls back on the bed with a groan.

"Finally he wakes up!" Fili appears in the doorway with a grin that should be forbidden, waving a spatula about. "I called Mum over, she's in the living room. We were just getting down to lunch. Omelette?"

There are ten things Kili can say that are all commands, but he just closes his eyes, groans against Fili's pillow and nods. "Give me five."

There's no verbal response for several seconds, which Kili interprets as Fili having left. When Kili opens his eyes though, his brother is fixing him with an unreadable look that confuses Kili and startles Fili. "Five minutes?" Kili elaborates tentatively. He hopes this isn't about his phone's background.

Until Fili brings that up, Kili decides on plausible deniability.

"Sure," sounds the accent that makes Fili appear maddeningly relaxed at all times, and the blond disappears into the common room.

"Thanks," Kili's lilt is quiet and more ruffled.

* * *

Their mother simply brightens up whenever she watches or listens to her eldest. She spends time telling Fili about everything that has happened after he left. She mentions several times that she has missed him so, but she doesn't need to say it because it's obvious that Fili has missed her too whenever she mentions something big, like the time she became employee of the month, or that time at Christmas when the main dish went missing, or any time someone inquired after Kili and wondered what happened to that other boy of hers.

Contrary to Kili, Dis hasn't been in a lot of direct contact with Fili other than letters and phone calls, but when he shares key parts of his life with them, it turns out that Kili has been keeping her well updated.

It is her happiness that makes Kili step back while she's around. Fili is her lost son—surely a brother having trouble seeing his brother like kin has less rights than a mother. Dis wrongfully assumes that his lack of sleep is why he's so uncharacteristically quiet. 

So when she says it's time to go back to the hotel to get a good night's rest, she doesn't expect Kili to say that, if it's okay with both of them, he thinks he'd like to stay a little longer. After all, Fili still promised him a stroll on the beach.

As soon as she leaves her two sons at the bus stop, they are again bordering on awkward. At least it feels like a different kind of awkward this time. Kili is left confused as to why that would be. They walk back to the house while exchanging just a bit of small-talk. Halfway though the door, one of Fili's flatmates barges in, grins at a surprised Kili and rigorously shakes hands with him. "The famous brother?" he asks.

"Uh, yeah." _Famous?_ "Kili, hi."

The man's smile widens at the name. "Norwegian, aye? Shane, pleasure meeting you. How long you here for?"

Fili throws Shane a glare that has his room mate quickly dart along, hands raised to fool them into thinking he's not to blame. "No matter, we'll catch up later!" he calls over his shoulder, and then he's gone.

"He's probably also going to be at the beach," Fili shares with Kili. That's all he says before they again are surrounded by silence. It has definitely been easier talking to him over email and Facebook than it turns out to be in real life. They are both trying, but it's halted and not nearly as fluent as by rights it should be. He isn't going to stop trying though. He's here now, finally back with his big brother, and Kili isn't about to give up on his hopes that they'll get used to each other again.

"Is there a bonfire?" he asks—like the pictures Fili posted online a couple of weeks back.

"Sort of," and for once Fili forgets that they have a history and responds the way he would if this was the internet. "Friends of mine found a cave a couple of days back. The plan is to get together for a barbecue, and guess who everyone is really looking forward to meet?"

"Uh."

"Yes, you."

A bunch of strangers can't wait to meet him. Kili is oddly flattered, and more so when he figures out that it means Fili has been talking about him. It kickstarts his usual buoyancy back into first gear. "That's retarded," he manages to bring out.

Fili throws him a look like he doesn't buy it.

Kili thinks there might be hope yet.

* * *

That is how they end up at the beach after midnight carrying two six-packs of beer and one pack of beef burgers. Kili should probably just message his mother in advance that is going to be another sleepover for him. He feels slightly guilty about the expenses of a hotel room not used, but that lasts only until Fili starts introducing him wearing a proud smile and Kili promptly forgets.

They're amazing people. One of them has brought his guitar, which isn't so surprising, and someone else a djembe drum that brings a pleasant beat to the party. It's not too big a crowd either, only about ten of them. Kili almost fancies himself on a tropical island. Well before he finishes his second beer, he has been pulled into a discussion about the music industry, which is something he knows nearly nothing about, but which is fun to follow regardless. Fili is somewhere else, locked in a more private conversation with a girl and a guy at the edge of the water.

He never feels like he's thrown to the masses, because Fili's eyes keep darting back to him to check how he's doing. Once or twice his gaze is on Kili a second too long, and Kili ducks his head and pretends he hasn't seen it. But he has, and he has no idea how to interpret it. His lowered walls make it easier for him to eventually look back and quirk a brow at him, which results in Fili looking away this time. They're establishing something between them while they're fifty feet apart. He doesn't know what.

To Kili, it is one of those nights in which everything feels possible. It is the same feeling he had the first time he went out all night with friends in Dublin. His mother had been so angry with him that morning—he was supposed to be back before two—but Kili had felt like he had been in love with life itself, that one night. What a rush!

Very few other nights have made him feel as limitless as on that first one, but tonight is one of them.

When they near dawn, two of the girls convince him into what they promise will be a bit of fun. A small group of four people runs toward the ocean. They jump over the foam and into the cool water, and laughter fills the night. Kili's six-pack is emptied—half of that through sharing with others—and he feels like he's untethered from his inhibitions so he follows their lead gladly, strips down to his underwear and runs after them.

"We don't do this in Ireland!" he calls out.

"Why not?" laughs one of the men.

He laughs too; shrugs. Normally he'd say that Ireland isn't the place where this would happen, but it could be that it happens a lot, and he just doesn't know.

By the time Kili crashes on Fili's bed, his underwear is dry but bloody sandy, and his hair is roped with salt. Kili doesn't even notice that his brother has offered him the bed once more. He reaches for his brother when Fili moves away.

"Kili," Fili chuckles. "Let me go, or I'm never getting any sleep."

"Sleep here." Kili flattens his back against the wall for space. He is still smiling, his pupils wide with joy and amazement. "But don't sleep, okay?"

"I'm...pretty tired, you know."

"Yeah. Me too."

"Kili."

"I'm going home in a few days. Please sleep here."

And so Fili ends up sleeping opposite Kili for what is left of the night. Kili smiles drowsily as soon as Fili looks at him with again that unreadable look, and closes his eyes. He feels alive and oddly safe in this company.

* * *

The first thing Kili imagines when he opens his eyes is that it has to be terribly late. He looks around for his phone, but when he turns he finds Fili still sound asleep opposite him. He stops moving immediately.

Fili breathes in and out peacefully. His hair moves against his skin at every breath, his arm curled around a blanket. He isn't aware of a thing in the world, which currently encompasses Kili with a mouth that is becoming increasingly dry and an uncomfortable affliction further south. Fili is beautiful, in his very own way.

That is when Kili realises he is never going to stop finding this man attractive. They are brothers by name, but if Kili ever again considers him a brother in more than the sense of the word, it will not stop that he wants him. It's something that ought to embarrass him, make him feel guilty, but while Fili sleeps and the rest of the world doesn't know, he think that it's okay. 

It's why things have been strange between them. Why they haven't been strange over the internet.

Fili shouldn't find out about the way he feels around him. But by God, with the last remnants of weightlessness still in him, Kili decides that he wants him to.

* * *

After successfully guilt-tripping him for his laziness during the day—as that of Fili's, and the consequent lack of time she gets to spend with her estranged son—Dis claims Fili's time for a trip to the zoo.

Kili tells himself not to be too harsh on her, especially considering that he's been the one to suggest something of the like to her after she mentioned she wanted to spend more time with her eldest. But he's still pissed, because he had _meant_ to be included in that trip. Which is why he is now reduced to a choice between the travel guide on his lap or the facilities of the hotel. 

As he doesn't want to go to the pool when he's in a foreign country with only days left on the clock, Kili takes the bus to the park to find himself a nice spot in the shade. Finally settled, he picks out his cellphone, because he can't keep quiet just because he's not physically around Fili. It has never been an issue before, and it won't be today. _Looking at monkeys?_ he sends.

 _Giraffes_ , Fili replies some fifteen minutes later. _We saw monkeys this morning. Made us think of you. Feeling better?_

_Hah. Only had three beers, you know._

_K. Mum said you had a massive hangover. What are you doing?_

_Yeah, Mum just wants to have you to herself. Found a park close to the hotel. Am thinking of taking a nap. Is that acceptable over here?_

_Sure, if you want to look like you're homeless._

_I wouldn't look like I'm homeless._

_Are you positive about that?_

Kili is compelled to stick his tongue out at the screen. He stretches on the grass and looks up at an azure sky. Even without Fili, this is agreeable. But having him around would make it a lot better.

 _Are you free tonight?_ He pauses before pressing send.

_Depends. Mum is entertaining putting you on curfew after last two nights. How creative are you?_

_High time for you to drop by the hotel?_

_Well, if you put it like that._

He bites his lip. _Then I'm putting it like that. Are you game?_

As soon as Fili types an affirmative and a time, the day won't be over fast enough. Kili restlessly tries to focus his attention on the book he brought from home, which expectedly doesn't bring him any peace. He goes for a walk and buys an apple at a market, he returns to the hotel and takes a dive in the pool, and he tries for a nap in his own room. By the time he wakes, it's only four thirty. Fili won't be there until eight.

Bloody hell.

It's only when it's seven thirty that Kili suddenly recalls he hasn't got anything to drink. Of course, the mini-bar doesn't count, because he refuses to subject himself to ridiculous hotel pricing. Kili curses, rushes out the door and down to the supermarket across the street. When he returns, bottles of beer sticking out his bag, Fili is already waiting by the desk.

"You didn't leave your room number," he explains merrily as soon as he's next to Kili in the elevator, glancing at the bag. "Planning for a party?"

Kili looks back at him, doesn't know what to say, and decides that looking like he has no idea what Fili is talking about will be response enough. "Thirsty?"

It's easy enough for Fili to throw a great comeback reply, but Fili just looks at him until the ding of the elevator draws their attention back to reality. And Kili, Kili is suddenly nervously frayed. "Had fun at the zoo today?" he asks to change the subject.

Fili hums in agreement while Kili fidgets with the keycard. He lets them both in, puts the bag near the mini-bar and waits for Fili to take a seat.

It's just Kili's luck that Fili claims the edge of the bed and looks around the room contentedly. "Nice room. I assumed you'd share one with Mum. Well," he chuckles, "what are you standing there for?" His smile is frustratingly kind, and the way he kicks off his shoes and pulls his legs up on the bed should be illegal.

"...I'm gay," Kili all of a sudden blurts out.

Fili blinks at him. It's even annoying how he doesn't freak out; doesn't say anything, really. It's the most off-topic that Kili could have gone, and he's done it. But it's been burning on his mind for days now, and he feels like he's ready to break if he doesn't tell Fili soon.

"Well?"

"Well, what?" Fili shrugs inoffensively. "Are you expecting me to judge you for it?"

"It doesn't bother you?"

His brother gives him the kindest smile, and Kili deflates. Fili looks up at the ceiling for a second, looking for something to break the monotony of looking at his brother, but when his attention is back on Kili, it's like he has known all along. "It's been bothering you though, has it? I don't mind, I really don't. It's a relief, actually. But poor Mum."

"Poor _Mum_?" Kili nearly cries out.

Fili smiles. "I don't think she's going to get grandchildren, Kili. Unless maybe they're adopted."

The world is confusing enough without Fili throwing in these vague comments that Kili thinks are supposed to mean something. He sits down next to Fili and feels, in one word, defeated. Of course Fili already knew. He's been giving him those weird looks, hasn't he? But somehow it's also a relief. The cat is out of the bag now, and the weights that had been hanging from Kili's ankles are gone.

He falls back on the bed, takes a deep breath, and chuckles. "Well, I'm an idiot."

"Yeah, you are."

Fili bears an expression that's too serious for the context. Kili watches him and wonders when Fili is going to look away. He thinks that it's probably going to be one of those funny looks again, but Fili unexpectedly lowers his gaze and breaks eye contact, and it's not at all how he ought to be responding according to Kili's books. He sits up, ducks his head to catch Fili's eyes again and demands attention. "Hey," he says, because he's puzzled, but maybe this means what he hopes it might. "Promise me you'll punch me if I'm saying the wrong thing, but I think if I don't say it now, I probably never will. I'm having a really, really hard time seeing you as my brother."

And Fili finally fixes him with another one of the confusing looks. Maybe Kili is reading the wrong thing into it, but if he is, then Fili ought to be a whole lot clearer, because Kili is confused and hopeful, and he suddenly reflexively closes the gap and kisses him. 

What is supposed to be a heady experience, one that he's been dreaming of having for quite some time, is for the time being still intensely nerve-racking. The second in which Kili doesn't get a response is a millennium in itself.

It starts as a tremble that is too easy to interpret the wrong way, but then Fili takes a deep breath and lets him in, and Kili is smiling stupidly with shaking hands as he moves further into Fili's personal space and advances the kiss into a stage that's definitely no longer barely brushing lips. "Are you sure?" he whispers long enough to allow Fili to pull back. They are brothers after all, even if that apparently only means they share a common mother and a common father and five years of history. Some people don't even remember things from their first five years of living.

"No," Fili replies hoarsely. "You?"

"Very much yes," Kili isn't afraid of admitting. "Do you want me to stop?"

"No."

Kili nods. He's suddenly glad the hotel didn't manage to get his mother and him adjoining rooms. It means he doesn't have to worry about anyone overhearing. The other guests don't matter, in his opinion. Without active intent, he ends up straddling Fili and making sure he understands exactly how affected his younger brother is becoming. That doesn't mean Kili just rubs himself up against him. There's too big a chance that it will freak Fili out and get him to snap out of it. Instead Kili starts peppering kisses on a path along his jaw and his ear, and tries if the man under him is okay with his fingertips pushing against his shirt as if the fabric is made of wet tissue paper and should dissolve with gentle probing.

"Wait a minute," he pulls apart to look at Fili's swollen lips and dilated pupils, hardening further at the sight, but with a frown creasing between his eyebrows. He's only just realising it. "You like men too."

Fili bursts into a laugh. "Well, it'd be a bit awkward for you if I didn't." Which earns him a swat on the head and a nip at his shoulder, and Fili to rest firm hands on his waist, and they are both distracted enough again to forget they might need words.

"You've done this before?" Fili eventually asks. The way he uses his voice should be outlawed. Kili kisses him silent and cups his jaw.

"A couple of times."

"Does it mean anything?"

Kili checks if there's nothing alarming about Fili's posture, because that's a trick question with the potential to ravage. "It means I want you," he replies honestly. "Enough to accept whatever happens next. I didn't think you'd actually give me the chance though."

A moment passes in which Kili wishes he knows what is going through his brother's head. He must be thinking of all the ramifications, because that's what is on Kili's mind right now. Kili is only going to be here for another couple of days. At best, that's a sure way to mess up the family dynamics, because what is going to happen when he's back in dreary Ireland? They can't declare themselves lovers, that's for sure. They can't declare themselves anything.

Kili takes off his shirt to properly state his intentions. He bites his lip under Fili's scrutiny, not because he's shy of his body or of the small surgical steel barbell that pierces his left nipple that has Fili entranced, but because he's suddenly afraid that Fili might not want this.

They are in an anonymous hotel room, on a crisp white bed that has yet to be slept in by its newest guest. It's so quiet that they can both hear each other breathe. Kili waits for a sign. He refuses to move until it's a response to Fili. Tension is making him shake, but he won't move a finger until he knows he doesn't unintentionally break something between them.

When Fili pulls off his own shirt, Kili's heart swells with warmth. He is left staring at the beautiful man beneath him until the tension rises to a crescendo of silence and then bursts into a frenzy where hands rove over skin, draw lips into heated kisses, and Kili nearly mewls when Fili takes his nipple between his teeth. No more questions need answering tonight. It'll be all right.

Fili drags him flat on top of him. They roll and change positions constantly, kicking at jeans and tugging at underwear until they're both naked. Fili is laughing breathlessly. "Stop squirming!"

"You're making me!"

But oh, Fili makes him all right, when he pins his younger brother beneath him and palms his erection with equal amounts lust and amazement, and no trepidation. It's as if they have left their worries at the door. He has Kili's back arching off the bedsheets and his legs spreading willingly, and Kili has to stifle a particularly loud sound when that angelic mouth makes contact with his cock. "Oh, fucking God," he hisses. "I thought you were new to this."

"Who ever gave you that impression?"

Kili's mind thinks it should answer that question, but if he has to choose between reason and informing Fili vocally just how good it is—and that he'll get an even better response from Kili if he moves that sinful mouth just a little to the left—he selfishly opts for the latter. And it's instantly rewarding. Fili makes sure Kili knows he's definitely not backing out, using his tongue and hands to reduce him to a moaning mess.

He knows what he's doing, but Kili has other plans than being driven to the edge by mouth alone, especially so soon. He has barely had the time to savour Fili for himself. He draws him up and tastes himself on his lips, before toppling them both over. The manoeuvre always looks so easy on TV. The frustrating thing is that it gets a whole lot trickier when the other doesn't cooperate or suspect it, so Kili is down to momentum to get them where he wants them.

He crawls up the wave of a muscular surfer's body and ends in a gorgeous sunset of braided hair and dark eyes. "Guess what's a bitch to get through customs these days," he whispers against hot skin. Somewhere sounds a plastic sound and then Kili's hand are cold, slick, and languidly awakening Fili's passions.

"Why would you take that through customs?" Fili wants to know, but only with half his attention.

"I was feeling adventurous," Kili admits, because if he thinks back on it, it's a pretty dumb thing to do. Not to mention potentially embarrassing as hell if he was made to explain what it is in front of the customs officer. 

Either way, it makes the man under him laugh—but only until he applies friction, and then Fili's head is rolling back. Kili thinks it's the hottest sight; he stares at him with desire roaring through him like a river, and he knows exactly what he wants to do. He never thought he'd get here though, and he can't keep his eyes off his naked brother. Despite what the man probably thinks, Kili didn't purposely drag the lube here for Fili.

The slick hand takes its time getting Fili completely comfortable with Kili's fingers. He moves it up to draw a wet line around Fili's nipple and his own lips part in a sigh to see the nub coated with a thin layer. Kili wants to tell him he looks fucking amazing. Instead he draws the hand back down, playfully around where Fili expects him to go, and right where Fili has wanted to be from the beginning.

Fili sucks in a breath. His blue eyes find Kili's lidded brown ones just as the tip of his index finger nudges for entrance. "Can I?"

Even the silence is loaded. 

"Yeah."

And so Kili proceeds until the first joint is in. The sight of disappearing inside of Fili like that sets his skin on fire, and he ups to the next joint. There is no sign of discomfort yet—Kili doesn't expect there to be—and he slides home, his finger fully disappearing inside a ring of flesh. He licks his lips absently and smiles. "God, that's incredible."

If he'd look at Fili, he would find an amused smirk aimed at him, but Kili can't pull his eyes away. He reaches for the tube of gel instinctively, extracts his finger until it's barely inside, and puts a royal dot on his fingertip, which he immediately pushes back in. The sound of slick skin moving has him panting. What is more beautiful than that is that Fili is accepting everything. He's allowing him to do this without trying to take over. Kili doesn't usually get to play this long.

He starts an intentionally unsteady pace. Sometimes he crooks his finger and once or twice he finds that sweet spot that has Fili's eyes fluttering shut and whimpering. Fili looks at him as if simply seeing Kili is as much a turn on as Kili finds playing with him. More often than not however, he is willingly enthralled by the man taking something inside himself so readily.

Because it's such a sight to behold, it takes a long while before Kili finally adds a second digit. By this time Fili is so stretched and ready that he should barely notice it, but the older still holds his breath, laughs a little out of breath and asks while adjusting, "You're enjoying this, aren't you?".

"Do you know how good it looks?" Kili admits. "Of course I am."

"You could go a little deeper, you know," Fili suggests.

Kili, who does not need to be told twice, immediately moves both fingers fully in. He doesn't look this time but supports himself to hover over his brother and presses his lips against parted ones. It's breathtakingly arousing and incredibly frustrating at the same time to be doing this and having Fili accept it all. Kili has no idea when he's going too far, or if he can even go too far with Fili. He's not used to being so fully in control.

Finally Fili brings a hand up to tangle in Fili's hair. He draws them close, then whispers, "I want you." He does so with the full intent of flustering Kili and it pays off, because Kili is allowed to add a third clumsy finger that hardly stretches anything because of the awkward angle, but which nevertheless serves the purpose of further filling the man under him up.

From that point onward, they are both on the same line. Fili reaches for the condom that he finds next to the lube—"You and I need to have a talk later about your intentions before coming here"—and teases Kili by pretending he's about to roll it over his own cock. Kili takes the thing away from him and strips it down his own in all seriousness and a quirk of his brow. He wraps Fili's legs up high over his hips, kisses him with a lick and starts settling himself inside.

There is a jitterbug that goes wild in the region of his abdomen. He pants, and Fili kisses him wherever he can while encouraging him to give him time to adjust. They look at each other then, and they're thinking the same thing; they are really doing this. It's a bit scary but a thousand times more exciting and pure.

Fili rolls his hips and bites Kili's neck when he doesn't catch on fast enough that Fili is ready.

And by all that is mighty, nothing compares to the ring of muscle, hot and eager to please but also still flexing, that seduces Kili to movement. He holds back a moan, but he can do nothing but offer Fili's body all that it demands from him. If he had any expectation that leading the dance means making the decisions, Kili learns fast that he is only a slave to the wiles of his lover's needs. He responds to the soundmap composed of hitches, silences and groans, without it passing by his active brain at all.

Hands clutch his waist. Kili kisses Fili while he pistons in. He tries different angles, he tries wrapping his hand snugly around Fili's cock to double the sensation; hell, he keeps trying to get further in. But Fili only has to clench his muscles once for Kili to be put in his place and cry against his shoulder, "Oh, _fuck!_ ", reduced to the most animalistic of behaviours within man.

Because he knows he's not lasting much longer. The hand around Fili's erection works hard to make sure Fili reaches his peak first. And he nearly does, but Fili is equally bent on getting Kili to coming before him and doing everything he can to drive him insane.

"Come on," he moans, smattering nips and bites across Fili's neck. But it's Kili who ends up falling first. He writhes inside Fili and screws his eyes shut, burrowed in the crook of his neck. Then the warmth of his orgasm explodes inside the other. Kili continues to move his hand almost feverishly now, but there's little thought behind it. It is one of the ways in which he is riding it out, grasping at Fili's body. "Oh, God," he breathes. "Come for me, Fee. Come for me."

Fili only registers the nickname, which is new. He is lost in the maze of pleasure locked in his abdomen, without knowing the way out. Every time Kili moves his firm grip down his base, he is getting closer. 

It would be a gorgeous sight for Kili to behold, if he wasn't so preoccupied. Fili's rough breathing still manages to trigger his senses however, spent as he is, and he starts kissing Fili's neck again, languidly this time.

He is positive that he doesn't want to give this up.

Once Kili realises he can still make this last a while, he slows his pace. He might as well drive the man on the white sheets completely to the brink, he smiles to himself. Wouldn't that be a sight? His thumb dips against the curve of the tip, smearing a troubled substance that soon mixes with the remains of the lube across the skin. Kili is rewarded for his effort by Fili's muscles clenching and unclenching around him.

He kisses the shell of his ear, whispers, "I think I'm going to take my time," to state is intention, but it's too late. Suddenly Fili's body stretches taut under him. The pressure is nearly becoming too much for Kili's sensitive flesh. He pants and claims a kiss from the parted mouth, and then Fili comes hard between them.

Kili watches him fall. He is out of breath in the most delicious way, his eyes twinkling in merriment as soon as they meet Fili's exhausted look.

"Hi," he smiles stupidly, stroking his hair and giving him whatever time he needs. "That was good."

Fili is still recovering, but he wraps his arms around him and draws him in, and they're kissing again. They both don't want to talk too much, lest they say the wrong thing, but Kili at last admits, "This isn't helping in making me think of you as family again."

"Definitely not," Fili agrees. "I don't think I want to think of you as family again."

"Mh, good."

They both shut up when the next question is imminent.

How?

It takes them time to disentangle, but neither is in a hurry. Kili finds the shower eventually. He is visibly pleased and aware of the butterflies in his stomach when Fili joins him. In this hotel room, real life has no grip. It's a little world by itself.

Some few hours later, they go over it all over again.

It is around one in the morning when Kili finally has enough sense to bring up that Fili should really be going now. He doesn't think his mother would appreciate finding out about this, even if he'd rather not see him leave. "I'll see you tomorrow," he promises.

* * *

Kili makes up for his promise by spending nearly all the time he has left in New Zealand in Fili's house. They hardly make it out of the house, with only small exceptions when their mother asks to spend time with them. When she asks what they've been up to, they always come up with something decent. She never finds out. They are good like that.

By the last day, Kili thinks he might be falling hard.


End file.
